Movie Review – Thor: The Dark World

Things have been a little grim on the blog lately,  so I thought I would lighten it up with a movie review.

There are some playful references to Norse mythology, but most of it goes out the window to make a humorous, science fiction movie based on the comic books, which I haven’t read.

"I have no future as an actor after the Avengers series are complete, except maybe in commercials as the Brawny Paper Towel man.

“I have no future as an actor after the Avengers series are complete, except maybe in commercials as the Brawny Paper Towel man.”

The movie begins with a brief recounting of a bunch of evil elves that want to destroy the universe for some reason. Led by an angry version of Lord of the Rings’ Elrond, they try to blow up the universe with this dark energy blob thing, but it gets teleported to an unknown location before they can use it.

Flash forward to modern day, where Thor and friends are mopping up various wars against Mad Max extras. The wars are all but won, and Thor has wine, women, and song at his disposal. Unfortunately, he is infatuated with Earth girl Natalie Portman, so he does a little bare chested sulking in the palace overlooking Alderaan Asgard.

"Do you like my throne? I got it at Ikea."

“Do you like my throne? I got it at Ikea.”

Meanwhile, Natalie Portman is still in love with Thor, but he’s been gone for two years. He stopped by earth to save New York City in The Avengers without even saying hi to her, so she attempts to move on by trying to find love with Earth’s simpering beta males. Natalie discovers that after you’ve dated a god with a big hammer and armor, you just can’t go back.

She finds a wormhole in an abandoned warehouse in London, travels through the space time continuum, and gets possessed by the dark energy that the evil elves were going to use to destroy the world. She gets zapped back to earth, where Thor appears to spirit her off to Asgard.

"It's recipes for 1001 Ways to Cook a Cencus Taker with Fava Beans." "What?" "Oops, I meant the history of how evil elves tried to compensate for something by destroying the universe."

“It’s recipes for 1001 Ways to Cook a Census Taker with Fava Beans.”
“What?”
“Oops, I meant the history of how evil elves tried to compensate for something by destroying the universe.”

Remember Loki? He is being held in a Silence of the Lambs like cell in Asgard’s drunk tank for the crime of trying to dominate the universe.

"Do you mind? I'm trying to read 50 Shades of Grey here."

“Do you mind? I’m trying to read 50 Shades of Grey here.”

The elves reawaken and sense that Natalie has the dark energy, so they kamikaze their spaceship into Asgard to get her. Thor’s mom protects her and is killed. Thor intervenes in time to save ol’ Natalie, but evil Elrond escapes.

Thor frees Loki to help kick some elf ass, hilarity ensues….. but I went into a popcorn induced stupor and had a dream that Hollywood unfroze Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart from cryogenic sleep and put them to work making good movies once again. But suddenly Ingrid Bergman turned into Miley Cyrus and started twerking. I awoke soaked in cold sweat, screaming for help. Everyone looked at me strangely.

At this point in Thor, there was some epic battle going on in Greenwich Observatory between Thor and evil Elrond, with some humorous physics inversions. Final battle ends, Natalie and Thor reunite, although there is no discussion of whether their children will be raised as Jewish or not.

Thor: TDW is a fun movie, with plenty of clean humor and not too violent comic book action.

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